7 Steps to Sanctification (while traveling to the village)

Last time, I gave you 10 tips for visiting a village. This time I'm taking it a step further and giving you 7 Steps to Sanctification while traveling to the Village. My step by step guide will have you through the fire and shining like gold in just one week!* 

Each step becomes a little bit more detailed, so we suggest you start from the beginning in order to achieve the best results. 

*Individual results may vary. We cannot be held responsible for accidental death, injury, or temper-tantrums that may result in following this program. Please consult smart people before beginning this, or any other stupid adventure. If you choose to complete this program, you must proceed at your own risk. 

Step 1. It is better to give than to receive. 

Every great Nepali adventure begins and ends on the bus. Such is the case in this program.  

As you board the bus, make sure that you have a barf bag handy. You will probably not need to use the barf bag for yourself, but at any moment your neighbor will turn green. That is the exact moment when you will realize the joy of giving. You will realize that Jesus was absolutely right when He said that it is better to give than to receive. I promise, you are way more blessed by handing the barf bag over to the girl behind you. 

Did you give with selfless joy? Congratulations!

You have now completed Step 1. 

2. Live through an episode of "World's Most Dangerous Roads". 

source

Now that you have been on the bus for six hours and the unpaved road has become slippery, you are probably feeling pretty good about your prayer life. Yes, six hours of bouncing along the side of a canyon- two feet away from the 1,000 foot drop- certainly will enhance your prayer life. 

My friend, keep praying. You still have four more hours to go. You might as well sit back, relax, and enjoy the company of the goat and chickens that boarded the bus at the last stop. 

3. Patience takes time.

You are on the right track! Your prayers have been answered! 

source

In your time of prayer, you asked God to give you a few moments to catch your breath. You told Him that you didn't know how much longer you could survive on that bus, and asked Him to give you a little break. You must be on the path to sanctification because God answered your prayer!

There was a landslide just hours before you reached the low point of the road, so you get to rest while the bus waits for a new "road" to be created through a river. If patience is a virtue, then waiting for a bulldozer to create a new road is like twelve points on the sanctification scale. 

Step 4. Stay at the bumblebee house. 

There it is folks, the place where it happened. That house on the right is where I accidentally ate bumblebees when we missed the bus last time (They totally wouldn't let the bumblebee incident go. They hounded me about it all week.).

Anyhoo, you made it! You made it through the most challenging part of the program! The bus can go no further. You have reached the end of the road. The bus ride is over.

Your friend has made the trek down from her house so that she can lead you back up to her village. However, your friend really, really, really wants to take a jeep up the mountain rather than walking (she only has one foot, so let her win that argument), but the jeeps are all reserved for the next three days, so you will get a chance to perfect Step 3 (because you can't rush patience).

The doorless bedroom

In the meantime you get to stay in a room that doesn't have a door. What a remarkable opportunity! You are working on becoming sanctified and all of your privacy has been stripped away. Perfect. You will be sanctified in no time. Just wait for tonight- Grandma will come in with a flashlight and watch you sleep. And then she will call Uncle and Auntie. Then they will stand there. For ten minutes. With a flashlight. Shining in your eyes. Watching you sleep.

Step 5. Sit in Buffalo Dookie. 

You will be stuck in the town at the bottom of the mountain for three days because the jeep has been reserved, so take full advantage of the nearby river. Enjoy this beautiful Himalayan wonder and take a moment to quiet yourself beside the water and reflect upon your life. Remember, you don't have a bedroom door, so now is your chance to be alone and pray.

As you choose a sitting rock near the river bank, become distracted by the cute baby tadpoles. Distraction will ensure that you do not look down before you sit on the rock and will cause you to plop your rump right into buffalo poo.

an unfortunate reason to do laundry

You will be pret-ty ticked off at this point. Don't fret: you are experiencing the sanctification process at work. Just go change your outfit and come back to the river to wash the dookie out of your clothes. 

*Step 5 should be avoided at all costs. 

Step 6. Take a Jeep "Up the Mountain."

If you are not sanctified by now, this step will have you on the fast-track to holiness.

At 6:30 p.m. on the third day the jeep will become available. Quickly say goodbye to the bumble bee family and get into the jeep.

Goodbye Bumblebee Family!

The jeep will begin the ascension up the mountain (It is actually a jeep-truck thing and you will sit in the bed of the truck.). You will have to stop and let ten villagers into the jeep and they will all tie big boxes of supplies to the top of the jeep. Are you are afraid because the jeep is top heavy? You should be.

As the jeep climbs higher and higher into the night and as the tires become more and more caked with mud, you will find yourself wanting to jump out of the jeep. As you see the guy HOLDING THE JEEP UP SO IT DOES NOT TIP OVER AS YOU DRIVE ALONG THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF, you will again feel the urge to jump out of the jeep.

When you come out of your frightened shock, you will wonder why there are two Nepali men holding you back. It is not until you hear all of the other passengers yelling at you that you will realize that in your state of shock, you had subconsciously moved five feet towards the tailgate of the truck bed and were about to jump.

My friend, don't jump! You have too much to live for!

Wait until the jeep stops to realign itself and then jump out.

(Repeat as often as necessary. I jumped thrice.)

Step 7: Laugh at the days to come.

God must love you, dear child, because after two hours of this mess, the driver will refuse to continue. He will say that the roads are too bad up ahead and you must walk the remaining several kilometers to your friend's house. God has again answered your prayers for mercy.

Our view as we hiked up the mountain.

It is only a few hours walking and an 1,800 foot elevation gain. Besides, the rain is not that strong right now, so you are probably really thankful to be walking through the night and not riding in that jeep.

See? The 7 Steps to Sanctification is working! If, at the beginning of the program, I told you to walk up a mountain in the rain, in the dark, (in a skirt!) at 10:30pm, you would have been ticked. But after going through this program, you are elated to be walking! You are even laughing as you walk up the mountain thinking about how stinking crazy your life is.

Laughing at the days to come, are you? Why, you are practically a Proverbs 31 woman already! (Boys, you can be a Proverbs 31 man, like King Lemuel.)

Cheers to you! You have successfully completed the 7 Steps to Sanctification. How does it feel? Is your heart as pure as gold? Do you feel more alive? Would you do it again?

If you were satisfied with this program, recommend it to a friend to receive a free copy of our new program: How to have fun in the Village which will be available to the public next week!