confused.

I keep trying to write about Thailand, but nothing I write ends up making any sense. So I'll just be brief and give you the "Bethany doesn't feel like talking" version. 

• I didn't want to go to Thailand, so I was in a bad mood from the start. 

• I was just starting to have culture shock right before we left. 

• Then I went to Thailand, which is like, totally a developed country, which made me really confused about the world. And really really confused about my life. 

• Then I came back to Nepal. And this third-world country felt like home. And people could understand me. And I could understand them (somewhat). And it is awesome to be back. 

• But I am still very confused... most of the time. I think.  

Needless to say, I don't have much to say right now. 

I'm just thinking a lot. 

And praying. 

And so appreciative that I get to be here, confused, but in the arms of God. 

Until I find some more words, 

Bethany

Thailand

Soooo, you may (or may not) have noticed that I pretty much abandoned the blog for the past three weeks. I have been in Thailand and the blog has been home alone. I will write about the trip soon, but in the meantime, here are some photos of a Thai market. Enjoy!

our friend purchasing some fruit

dragon fruit.

motorized fly fans above the meat

I just made up a joke. Just now. Here it is:

What do you call a table full of veggies?  

A VEGGIETABLE!

idk what this is.

according to the internet, there are over 40,000 varieties of rice in the world.

Uncertainty.

I know less and less every day.

All I know is that God is doing a work in my heart. I feel like he is giving me a 1,000 piece puzzle to put together, but I only have about three of the pieces. I am savoring those three pieces, examining the colors, the shapes, the sizes, trying to gather any little specs of certainty out of what I have in front of me... but I just can't be certain about anything right now.

The pieces are just fragments of color and abstract shapes. I am trying desperately to determine what the bigger picture is, but it is impossible with such limited information. It's like I have three edge pieces, and they don't even fit together. I can guess at what the big picture is, but it is just a guess. 

 Nothing is certain.

There is so much more that is still to be revealed. So much more to learn and experience before I can come to any conclusions. 

Sometimes it is hard to see the bigger picture.

So I will press on. I will press on and examine each puzzle piece as it comes. I will seek to know it fully and deeply, so that when the full picture comes together, I will understand it that much more. 

Each new puzzle piece will be a reason to celebrate. It will be a gift to be received with thanksgiving. 

Oh Lord, I choose to trust your timing.