It's not dandruff: It's cream cheese frosting.

You know those days when you wake up and your first breath is, "oh Lord, I'm going to need a lot of grace today!"?

Yah, I have those like, every day, but yesterday was really intense.

Grace is like bugs... always there!

It was my mom's birthday.

My mom is the coolest person in the world. She deserves everyone to make her a card that says in big letters, "YOU ARE AWESOME!" She does not deserve someone to waltz into the kitchen, stick her grubby little hand into the cake, and then start eating the frosting. The cream-cheese frosting.

But that is exactly what my niece did. She ran into the kitchen, did a drive by grabbing, and then came back a few seconds later giggling.

I was so mad.

I could feel the bitterness raging through my blood. We sang happy birthday like a normal family, and then. she. chased. me. I ran screaming around the stairs, into the dining room, and back into the kitchen. I was just nearing the safety of the lockable bathroom, when smack! I ran straight into her (that part was actually pretty funny).

She had turned around and I didn't see her coming.

Then it happened. Frosting. in my hair. 

Ok... whatever.... I can take a joke and be fun sometimes, but I was still just so mad about her ruining the cake. As I was having frosting smeared on my face and infused into my (just washed!) hair, I prayed, "Lord, help me to love this little girl."

That's when I made a quick basketball pivot, stuck my own grubby little hand into the cake, and smeared it into her face. And I smeared hard.

I think it was a love smear. I mean, at least 50% love and 50% revenge. Ok, ok, it was totally a revenge smear. 

Gah! Now I was really really mad.

At myself.

How the heck am I supposed to go overseas and love people- especially people who think differently and have different values- if I can't even love someone in my own family?

She might as well have thrown humble pie in my face. Talk about needing grace. It was good to be reminded that there is no stinkin' way that I can love people perfectly. That is why grace is so sweet. Because grace isn't for good people who have it all together. It is for people like me who mess up a ton. For jerks and bums and lazy fools. And even for Christians.

Thank you Lord, for your grace.

If I could force it...

If there were two things that I could force into your brain, these would be them:

1. Jesus really, really loves you. A lot.

2. I am so thankful for you. Those of you who are enabling me to go to Nepal are of more worth than words can say. Your encouragement, your conversations with my Father, and your support are worth more than words can say.

That's it. I just want you guys to know that.

Reality.

Here is one of my favorite quotes about not being with loved ones.  

Besides this, there is the somewhat philosophical realization that actually I have lost nothing. We may imagine what it would be like to share a given event and feel loss at having to experience it alone. But let us not forget-- that loss is imagined , not real. I imagine peaks of enjoyment when I think of doing things together, but let not the hoping for it dull the doing of it alone. What is, is actual-what might be simply is not, and I must not therefore query God as though He robbed me-- of things that are not. ... Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living.

Moments will fade into memories.

Listen while you read: "Break Bread" by Josh Garrels 

Welp, I made it!  1728.7 miles was a lot, but the solo journey back to The Natural State is complete. It has taken me two days to recover from the high levels of caffeine and focused driving, but it was so very worth it.

The good ole self timer came in handy again!

So here I am, sitting in my parents' kitchen trying to fully appreciate every second of my last twenty five days of normalcy.

As I sit here awaiting the beep of the oven timer (I have to make homemade bread while I still have an oven!), I am remembering today's gifts- a countryside bike ride with Dad, hopping around with my niece and her bunny, and swapping almost-forgotten summer stories with my mother.

I am relishing each moment that passes, because I know that soon enough each moment will fade into a memory.

I took this photo in order to make
a Monty Python joke for my sister. 

I have been really sad lately about all of the approaching goodbyes, so as I began driving those countless hours back to Arkansas, I expected it to be a solemn journey; just me and my thoughts.

However, somewhere between the London Bridge and the Grand Canyon, I drove into a cloud of peace. I really don't even have a word for the feeling: it was like an "I know that I am in your will, God, so I am not even sad anymore. I am just resting in your Presence, and that satisfies me. Completely."

So as these moments fade into memories, I walk satisfied because I am walking in His Presence.

Al-buh-ker-key tunes.

Listen to this song while you read the post below. I probably listened to this ten times today.

Click here for the song :)

Al-buh-ker-key.

You know that city in New Mexico? It is a hard word to spell! Try spelling it correctly.
Go on, try it!

 

 This morning I left my house to drive my jeep back to Arkansas. I was nervous and excited for all of the miles ahead of me.

I was praying that I would stay awake and alert on the road and also looking forward to having so much time with the Lord singing, praying and listening!

 By God's grace (and a bit of caffeine!) I made it to Albuquerque (By the way, did you spell it correctly?).  

Here are some cool thoughts from the drive:

 

It's famous, so I got its autograph!

• Jesus rewards those who seek Him. But here's the thing: if I am running a race, I do not get the medal until I finish the race. So be encouraged! Keep seeking Him. He will reward you now, for sure, but the best is yet to come! 

• The women that God used in His story were not exactly         "Proverbs 31" women. Just think about  Jesus' great-great-grandmothers: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba! So: what does that mean for us?

• Desert rain reminds me of God's grace. We humans have no ability to make it rain. We can't stop it either. When it's ready, it comes! Not even a fire can stop the rain. There is no way for us to catch it all. We can't tell it where to go or tell it to stay longer. We can't make it fall on people who deserve it or keep it off of people who do not deserve it. Desert rain nourishes. It is totally sufficient for desert plants. But when it rains, watch out, cause when it rains, it pours. Flash floods are gonna happen... just like grace. 

 

As I was driving, I saw a super fat rainbow in the midst of the rain... promises, promises; He is so faithful!

(If you click to make it bigger, you can kinda see it. Sorry for the photo quality today... this was a drive by!)

834.2 miles. I'm toast! 

      I am going to go read a little John Newton and then hit. the. sack. Night, y'all! 

Timeline

Timeline

Four weeks of America: I had planned on staying in Cali for the last four weeks here, but the L0rd had other plans for me! As always, they are good plans! Here's what it looks like: 

• Aug 23: I get to go back to Arkansas one more time! This Thursday I start the drive back to Arkansas to say goodbye to my family and friends (please pray for me as I drive!).

• September 6: A complete surprise blessing, but I get to go to New York to say goodbye to my sister one last time. Thanks, Dad!

• September 12ish: come back to Simi Valley to begin the goodbye process. Goodbye party invitations will be out soon. Please come! 

• September 20: Fly to Kathmandu.

• September 22: Arrive in Kathmandu, Nepal and start the next chapter of life! Yes, it really does take that long to get there.  

 A few minutes ago I was taking a break from filling out my new insurance forms. While stretching my legs by wandering around my room I decided to take a peek inside my suitcase to assess the limited space situation. To my surprise, my suitcase contained more than just my first-aid supplies! 

Faith, my eight-year-old roommate, lovingly put her beloved snuggie into my luggage!

   

Faith loves that snuggie. What a beautiful sacrifice. 

I don't know what I will do. Keep it and let a little girl receive the blessing of giving? Or return it and remember her loving sacrifice?

She is swimming at a friend's house right now, so I have some time to think and pray. One thing I do know: Childlike faith is precious in God's sight. And lavish, childlike love is even sweeter.

The setting of a season.

Photo credit: Kate Bennett

Welp, we are purchasing tickets this week! 38 days until departure!

As the sun sets on this beautiful season of life, my heart grows sad. Yet at the same time, I am thankful that this goodbye is so hard for me. I have said a lot of goodbyes prior to this one, and not many of them have hurt. They didn't hurt because I didn't love much.

This time, saying goodbye hurts. It hurts bad. I am thankful that the Lord has allowed me to love this season and you people in my life so much.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me such lovable people to enjoy!

Tye-dye and headbands: Humerica 2012

Tye-dye and headbands. 

Oh how I wish I could live in the woods forever! I just spent a few days near Hume Lake in the Sequoia National Forest with the high school group from my church. I had the privilege of taking a few students up early to help set up for the 100 students that would come the next day. Enjoy the photos!

Hume Lake at sunset. 

I love aspen trees.  

One of the things on my bucket list is to slide down a waterfall. Since we set up camp so efficiently on Monday, we had time on Tuesday to go exploring! Look at what we found! It was a blast cliff jumping and waterfall sliding.       

The girls and I getting ready for camp to start. 

Camp was a blast! But as much fun as it was, the best part was not slip-sliding down waterfalls, wearing tye-dyed shirts unabashedly,  or eating s'mores by the campfire. The best part was, by far, the uninterrupted fellowship.  

A few of us got up early to sing to Jesus!

I highly recommend hanging out with a group of beloved friends in nature with no cell phone service or internet access. It will remind you what the point of life is.. and what the point of life isn't.